A hero’s resume.

Well instead of whining about the lack of a muse, I’ve decided I’m going to accessorize. Read: get [arbitrary] pale substitutes and convince myself, that my essence, ether, elixir of inspiration or even [as Austin Powers would put it] my mojo, is somehow cryogenically frozen in those items and as long as I have them, I’ll be pretty fine. Why multiple items, why not just the One magical item…well that itself should clue you in; we all know what happened to Sauron.

And why do I need to have items to feel good about myself anyway? I don’t know! I just do okay? I have suffered this entire semester with a lack of focus; such dastardly aimlessness [a lot more than before!] is bad. Very bad.

Anyway, it’s not like this is a new idea. I’ve done it before when I was desperate [in a similar situation], so. Here’s the list:

1) An item of power – as usual, I believe in causality and how things happen for a reason. So these items of power aren’t something you think of beforehand and then aspire to purchase them. Rather, you come across them and may even almost just pass them by, but you dont. You can feel it. The power within. Weak jungle beats a la Jumanji. It’s not powerful in and of itself; but it has potential. It could be a repository. It’s the item of power. And I got myself this Kenyan tribal-looking elephant pendant chain. I got off the bus, and there it was, right in front of me. Well maybe my not-so-secret love of all things elephantine [no not lard! :P] influenced me. Regardless, this is it, my item of power.

2) A quote, poem or prose. I’ll call it creed – Every hero needs a creed, something to live by, even aspiring anti-heros. Besides, it was Shakespeare was it? “All the world’s a stage. And all the men and women merely players.” I guess we’d all like to think we have the lead role. I dunno what he was really like, that bard, but he had some good sense in him.
Well, I daresay I’ve read a lot [more than most…in the past]. Nowadays I don’t have time for as much bona-fide hardcopy fiction as before; what little I read, I get on the internet.
So in the case of creeds, I only remember a few. And what few I remember, I remember cos they were good. I found them personally inspiring. I can identify with them, and they hint at goals and glory. Naturally, I considered the Night’s Watch creed. It’s somewhat to my liking, but you know, I don’t mind glory either. Not really the material kind. More of the old school, no greater honour than dying in battle kind. “Remember us.” And for that reason, I find the following quote most poignant and melancholic. Oh I love melancholy.

“His helmet was stifling, it narrowed his vision. And he must see far.
His shield was heavy. It threw him off balance. And his target is far away.”

I don’t need false decorations or myopic perspectives. I don’t need anyone to tell me what to think or any laws to command what I wouldnt have done anyway. I need strong will, to do what needs doing. I need focus [hoho that’s a toughie], and I need a goal. More on that later. Anything else that tries to tempt me away, to detract me, from the goal, the high, is weakness, and shall be rejected.

3) A cause – ‘Nuff said. Mine’s simple. I’m gonna save the planet, you’ll see! Sure I won’t be wearing red spandex and flying around, or staying up late and slinking around in black tights, or wearing red OR black depending on my mood and swinging around in the day and at night, nope nein nada I won’t be doing that. But that’s not the only way to save the world. Read: saving the world is not, should not, be reserved for the fiction section, unlike some religious books people swear by.

4) A racial enemy – ye knew this was coming dincha? The ol’ D&D character creation in-joke? Well it’s not an in-joke. I’m not saying hatred is a good thing, but it cant be denied that intense dislike can also bring about extreme enthusiasm. And besides I won’t be hating a particular person or even a species in general. I shall work to eliminate, obliterate ignorance. Yes my friends, doofusness is my racial enemy. And if you’re afflicted, stay away from me, I don’t wanna catch the stupidity germs.

5) A trusty sidekick and/or comic relief – which hero you know doesn’t have this/these? My Macbook, my trusty sidekick, she’ll never ditch me, never work against me. I love her to bits. And comic relief, everyone else. Moving on, people.

6) A superpower – well at least skill, talent in something, you dig? What good is a dispensable hero? Doesn’t tie in with the honour and glory bit. There’s no honour in being able to…tie your own laces. Everyone can do that. Well some can’t, but that’s not for you to scoff at.
For me that’s easy…me and Will Smith have that in common. I quote “I have many fabulous traits. The most fabulous is of course my humility.”
Ok I can also..make a point, expand on it pretty clearly even if I’m not as well versed on the point as the guy in the opposition. I got the fantastic ability to do last minute mugging [I don’t suppose this is a superpower but…I’m trying to spice up my self esteem resume]. I have a terrific memory [selective] for facts and ideas and theories [case in point: I swear I remember some stuff I read in primary school but I couldn’t tell you where I put my spare batteries. Speaking of which, where ARE my spare batteries?] I have drive, ambition and like it or not, over-the-top OCD tendencies lending a helping hand towards determination. I’m resourceful, to the extent of harmless cunning. And passionate, and compassionate enough. As you no doubt have guessed, a bit on the overconfident side, no big. So is that a killer combo or what? I haven’t even finished.

Ok…I really have to go now, I may expand this post later. point being, I’m all but self-sufficient without a muse, but push comes to shove, I shall prevail. Arrr!


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