â€¢ God Made Us Sisters; Prozac Made Us Friends â…
â€¢ God Made Us Sisters; Prozac Made Us Friends
â€¢ My Mother Is a Travel Agent for Guilt Trips
â€¢ I Used to Be Schizophrenic, but We’re OK Now
â€¢ Veni, Vedi, Visa: I Came, I Saw, I Did a Little Shopping
â€¢ What If the Hokey Pokey IS Really What It’s All About?
â€¢ Coffee, Chocolate, Men; Some Things Are Just Better Rich
â€¢ Liberal Arts Major..Will Think for Food
â€¢ Don’t Treat Me Any Differently Than You Would the Queen
â€¢ Gravity…It’s Not Just a Good Idea. It’s the Law
â€¢ If You Want Breakfast in Bed, Sleep in the Kitchen
â€¢ First National Bank of Dad; Sorry, Closed
â€¢ In Dog Years, I’m Dead
â€¢ Love May Be Blind, But Marriage Is a Real Eye Opener
â€¢ If at First You Don’t Succeed, Skydiving Isn’t for You
â€¢ I’m Going to Graduate on Time, No Matter How Long It Takes
â€¢ Anything Not Worth Doing Is Not Worth Doing Well
â€¢ A Day Without Sunshine is Like Night
â€¢ First Things First, but Not Necessarily in That Order
â€¢ Old Age Comes at a Bad Time
â€¢ In America, Anyone Can Be President. That’s One of the Risks You
â€¢ The more you complain, the longer God makes you live.
â€¢ God must love stupid people…He made SO many.
â€¢ God is my copilot, but the Devil is my bombardier.
â€¢ Madness takes its toll. Please have exact change.
â€¢ 5 days a week my body is a temple. The other two, it’s an
â€¢ EARTH FIRST! We’ll stripmine the other planets later.
â€¢ If you can read this, I can hit my brakes and sue you.
â€¢ Save the whales! Trade them for valuable prizes.
â€¢ Whitewater is over when the First Lady sings.
â€¢ My wife keeps complaining I never listen to her …or something
â€¢ Stop repeat offenders. Don’t reelect them!
â€¢ A fool and his money can throw one hell of a party.
â€¢ When blondes have more fun, do they know it?
â€¢ Money isn’t everything, but it sure keeps the kids in touch.
â€¢ What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
â€¢ I’m not tense, just terribly, terribly alert.
â€¢ Ambivalent? Well, yes and no.
â€¢ I don’t have a license to kill, but I do have a learner’s permit.
â€¢ He who dies with the most toys is nonetheless dead.
â€¢ I like cats too. Let’s exchange recipes.
â€¢ Red meat is not bad for you.
Fuzzy green meat is bad for you.
â€¢ If you think there is good in everybody, you haven’t met everybody.
â€¢ If your feet smell and your nose runs, you’re built upside down.
â€¢ I pretend to work. They pretend to pay me.
â€¢ And your crybaby whiny-assed opinion would be…?
â€¢ The faulty interface lies between the chair and the keyboard.
â€¢ After I cook the vegetables, what do I do with the wheelchairs?
â€¢ Give me ambiguity or give me something else.
â€¢ There are 3 kinds of people. Those who can count and those who
â€¢ I feel like I’m diagonally parked in a parallel universe.
â€¢ In case of fire, yell “FIRE”!
â€¢ He who hesitates is constipated.
â€¢ Money is the root of all evil, and man needs roots.
â€¢ Smile! It makes people wonder what you’ve been up to.
â€¢ Reality is for people who can’t face science fiction.
â€¢ Friction is a drag.
â€¢ Blame Saint Andreas – It’s all his fault.
â€¢ I disagree with what you say, but will defend to the death your
right to tell such LIES!
â€¢ The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.
â€¢ Atheism is a non-prophit organization.
â€¢ Alex Haley was adopted!
â€¢ If I want your opinion, I’l give it to you.
â€¢ Everyone is entitled to my opinion.
â€¢ Help stamp out and abolish redundancy.
â€¢ He who steps on others to reach the top has good balance.
â€¢ While money can’t buy happiness, it certainly lets you choose your
own form of misery.
â€¢ Mount St. Helens should have used earth control.
â€¢ Prunes give you a run for your money.
â€¢ Drilling for oil is boring.
â€¢ Old frogs never die, but they do croak!
â€¢ I intend to leave this world the way I came in.
Naked, screaming and covered in blood.
â€¢ LOVE: Two vowels, two cosonants, two fools.
â€¢ I don’t suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it.
â€¢ The sex was so good, the neighbors had a cigarette.
â€¢ If you smoke after sex, your doing it to fast.
â€¢ If ignorance is bliss, you must be orgasmic.
â€¢ We are Microsoft. Resistance is Futile. You Will Be Assimilated.
â€¢ Jesus is coming, everyone look busy.
â€¢ Born free…taxed to death.
â€¢ The more people I meet the more I like my dog.
â€¢ Some people are alive only because it’s illegal to kill them.
â€¢ A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory.
â€¢ A cat almost always blinks when hit in the head with a ball peen
â€¢ There’s too much blood in my alcohol system.
â€¢ I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.
â€¢ Don’t take life too seriously, you won’t get out alive.
â€¢ Wanted: Meaningful overnight relationship.
â€¢ If you can read this, I’ve lost my trailer.
â€¢ You’re just jealous because the voices only talk to me.
â€¢ BEER: It’s not just for breakfast anymore.
â€¢ He who laughs last thinks slowest.
â€¢ LOTTERY: A tax on people who are bad at math.
From my old blog [which I’m reading now out of boredom and it’s not helping!]
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- April 12, 2007 / 11:24 am