Have you ever had a dream, Neo?

I had an unusual dream yesterday, all the more unusual in that I actually remember vividly. It was somewhat terrifying, and almost relieving at the same time.

I don’t remember the exact details of the beginning; must’ve been one of those random fantasy-setting dreams…when I get my hands on a stereotypical lamp. And throughout the rest of the coversation with…whoever I was conversing with, I kept rubbing it [in the blind hopes that it might be a magic lamp]. And as the other guy turned to leave, a djinn popped out in a flamboyant way.

I was flabbergasted, and being a skeptic, I wasted one wish just to prove the djinn was real. When the wish came true, I thought of wishing for more wishes, but it seemed pointless to even bother ask. The entire vibe and aura of that particular scene seemed to scream “Don’t bother!”

For my second wish, I can’t remember exactly what I wished for, but it included the word “happy”…I seriously don’t remember anything else. For my last wish, I wished to be able to choose when I wanted to die [like Aragorn]. Wish granted and the lamp went out of focus I guess.

Note this is all in the dream so I don’t know it’s a dream…yet. Soon after, barely minutes had passed, and I steeled myself and muttered, “Now.”

Nothing happened.

So I rephrased: “I want to die right no…” and I died. It was as if the factory owner systematically shuts down all systems after a long day’s work, starting from the furthest areas. My heart stops beating and it’s actually so noticeable, that silence. I can’t breathe, I can’t expand my lungs even if I tried. Perhaps you don’t know what it feels like; but I think we’re so used to breathing you’ll really struggle to breathe even when you don’t have to. Blind panic. Not that I needed to I was dead.

But I was still “conscious” mentally. I couldn’t move my legs and hands, not my head, not my eyeballs, nothing. Though I could see I was in my room [familiar surroundings], I knew that it wasn’t my eyeballs that were looking. But they say even in the case of a beheading, the brain and eyes still function for about 30 seconds, allowing you 30 long eternities to take a good look at yourself sans head of course. I was still thinking. It couldn’t have been more than 20 or 30 seconds, when I had a episode of “mental” drowning. The burst of desperation when you’re sinking cos you can’t swim and you can’t do anything about it.

Was I really dead? If I die, will my mind still be alive? [that’s torture!] Am I really dead for good?

Then I reached the surface of the calm mental stream. I literally “dived” out of it. But it felt the same. It was just the same uniform gothic almost calming ominous darkness. Yet something was very different. It was silent, but not as silent as before. I opened my eyes. I woke up. I wasn’t dead.

What’s ironic is I have considered the possibility of getting my hands on a magic lamp before, and I always assumed I’d ask to know everything about everything…the kind of knowledge bordering on omniscience. Past, present, future; thoeries, hypotheses, truths and falsities. Everything. And then I’d wish to be able to choose how and when I die. As for the third wish, I haven’t really thought about that. It varies, depending on mood. So I was pretty surprised that I didn’t make the same decisions when in that situation.

I don’t know if this counts as a near-death experience, but woah, I can’t explain it. It was a mixture of relief, diasppointment and amusement that I felt when I realised I was still alive. I practically muttered to myself..”I’m still alive?!”

I quote Marvin [H2G2]: Life. Don’t talk to me about life.


About this entry